I have always secretly hoped that the calendars got it wrong by three days and my main man Jesus and I share a birthday. There are so many theories on His birth and biblical timing in general that I feel confident in declaring this as TRUTH. And, can we please be real- we're all just GUESSING, right? When it comes to Jesus, what do we know? What others have told us? What we read?
I used to think I knew God. I mean, I KNEW Him. Much more than you could ever know Him. Oi.
Knew what to expect, knew exactly what I had to do and say to be near Him and knew how I had to behave.
Had the right friends- the Godly ones.
Had the right clothes- the modest ones.
Had the right opinion- the judgemental one.
Why did I know God and still feel so sad? Why did I feel uptight and angry? Why were my relationships hard?
I was too busy following the "God rules" to see that God actually rules.
I spent years studying theology, yet sunrise is still all the proof I need that my God is indeed real. Consulted countless pastoral staff members for some factual data supporting creationism, yet I cannot see a new baby of any kind- human, canine, even a rodent, and not end up in tears.
I am amazed I spent even one minute in search of "proof".
Sweet Jesus must be looking down and saying "Sweet Jesus, Jennie! I placed the proof on your heart. You feel me all the time. I wrap my arms around you every morning and sing you to sleep at night. I really, truly love you. Still. "
I have come to embrace my non-believing friends. It didn't weaken me or make me stray. It didn't make me long for their lives. It made me love my God. More deeply. More often. More graciously. More.
It made me look all the way inside my heart to remember that once upon a time I didn't love Him.
It made me remember that someone who DID love Him, decided to love me. Even though I DIDN'T. And she wasn't perfect. She couldn't sing beautifully in church. She missed church sometimes. She didn't shove her Jesus down my throat. She just had a peace about her, that even as a dirty rotten sinner I recognized as being different. She appeared, even when her life seemed to be out of control, STILL.
I fell in love with a man who doesn't believe what I believe in the way that I believe it. I know this makes you want to caution me. I know you want to tell me to be careful. To think ahead. How will he lead your family if you get to that place in the future?
He believes in the way that he believes it. His life experience is not my life experience. His heart is not my heart.
His heart and my heart and your heart belong to the Creator.
Our Creator.
Mine and his.
Yours.
He sees Christians as hypocrites. So do I. So do you. He sees humans as the representitives of Jesus. As Christians, why doesn't this shake us to our holy cores?
I don't know alot of people who reject God.
I know alot of people who reject Christians.
I also know that it is not my job to save anyone. I lived a long time thinking it was. So full of Jennie, so barren of Jesus.
How many people did that self righteous heart push away from Jesus?
My Jesus spent His precious few days on earth with prostitutes and tax collectors. Non believers. He blew off the invitations of kings and noblemen. He spent every minute of His life loving the unlovable. Healing. Teaching. Preparing the way.
I believe the gift we were meant to give- and at the same time are being given- is to be able to look into the eyes of every person we encounter and see what He sees.
Really look at them. Look. Past the fear. Anger. Betrayal. Misconceptions. Past all the things that pulled us away from God. When we rejected Christians.
If we are to be His hands and feet, the message has to be "I really, truly love you."
Still.
