Sunday, April 24, 2011

Indeed!

He is Risen. He is Risen indeed.       Such simple words.   
In some ways this is everything I dislike about Christianity.
A Pastor preaching from the pulpit. He speaks, we all respond -like trained rats. This is the one time of the year, the only time of the year, that I traditionally feel a strange hierarchy in the church body. The Pastor is the leader and we are the followers. He is somehow closer to God, and we are just hoping to learn from the wise, wise man who will later report to God who responded the quickest and loudest.
My cynicism would have played out again today, on this beautiful Easter morning, except for I don't have that kind of Pastor. My theory was debunked. I have a Pastor- in fact 6 Pastors- that are full of humility, kindness, love, grace- and very true hearts for God.
Isn't that how we determine how we feel about God? If we really search our hearts...is our impression of God at least a little bit tied to the impression we have of the person relaying His word?
When we meet people who have fallen away from the church, it's never about God. Never heard anyone say they just fell out of love with God. Never heard them say they met a thinner, more charming God. It's never that God didn't love them enough or didn't do enough for them. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE.
This concept horrifies me, actually. When I tell people about my Jesus, are they thinking "really, if He loves us how we are, why do you tan and bleach your teeth- aren't you good enough, just as God made you"? I worry alot about that actually. I worry that people will think I'm a hypocrite.
You know, come to think of it, I actually am.
I started boycotting Beth Moore bible studies a long time ago for just that reason. She is wearing 4lbs of makeup and two full cans of hairspray- but wants me to believe that I am perfect in God's eyes. I look around at these women that I love and respect, just oozing over the latest B.M. study and I'm thinking- don't you see what I see? Thankfully, they don't. They have risen above the superficial. Beth wears make up, I wear make up. Beth does her hair, I do my hair. Beth wants to be heard- me too! Where have I been? Seriously- I'm a curvy brunette Beth Moore! OMG!
Time to accept it - we are all flawed. If we each allowed our flaws to stop us from sharing the Gospel, it simply wouldn't be shared. Which is worse, to tell someone about God that thinks you're kind of a phony, or just to never tell them? It might be better for us, but it's never better for the person who didn't hear it.
So- go ahead and screw it up! Quote the wrong verse, mess up the timeline and credit the wrong disciple for good works. It's OK! God will use it, even when we screw it up. I think God honors obedience and KNOWS we are going to screw it up. He MADE us screw it up- to benefit the screwed up person who's going to receive it.
God loves us through our mistakes. While we fumble, consistently. He LOVES consistently.
And, isn't that the real story of Jesus?
                 Consistent love.      Safety.       A promise.       A true Forever.

I think the next time I tell someone about my Saviour, I'll stick to the facts:

I am a hypocrite. I am insecure about my physical appearance and it has led to all kinds of heartache. I sometimes come home at lunch to vacuum. I cry when I see couples holding hands because it makes me feel alone. Then I feel guilty because I should feel happy for them, that makes me cry too. I visit the tanning bed 4x a week because tan fat looks better than white fat. My teeth are bleached to the point that they are sensitive to cold, so I tell everyone I don't like ice cream. I have been on every diet known to man, and I actually consider purchasing those $200 infomercial weight loss kits. I kiss my pets on the lips. I kiss strangers pets on the lips.

And yet-

This morning, when I awoke, God rejoiced over me.          With singing!    ME.  
and my tan fat.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.     In His image.   I am His treasured possession.    He is for me, not against me and He is not keeping a record of my wrongs.
ME!!!  This is almost too much for me to accept.     But, for I have LIVED it.
Because someone.. a flawed someone... with a laundry list of shameful behavior I hope to never mimic... decided that God mattered more.      
More than pride or shame or fear.
Which really means that my salvation meant more than their comfort.

Which is EXACTLY what Jesus has been teaching us all along.

He is Risen indeed.

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