Amazing Grace~ the Choice to Love

Today, someone showed me a beautiful, tender amount of grace.

With no agenda, other than to walk as closely to Jesus as possible.

I had to tell someone about my past. Conjure up the old ugly and spill it all out.
I think when we are blessed to be in a church family that has walked through our rivers and over our mountains with us, we escape having to "tell our story". This is a blessing, and a curse. It can be awfully comfortable in the cocoon of love we wrap ourselves in- all toasty and warm.
It can make us want to stay right there.
Then you meet someone new. It really doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is. A new co-worker, friend of a friend, someone in line at the coffee shop, a neighbor, a new running partner... anyone.  Eventually, you will meet someone who doesn't know your hurt. That's when the shame sets in.
So, I've been married more than once. And more than twice. And I'm not married now. So what does that make me?  Do you have any idea how painful it is to tell that to someone? The shame is overwhelming. The fear of judgement tears at my heart.
I know someone who spent many years in prison, most of his life actually. He's now my brother in Christ and when I look at him I only see the beautiful man that God made him into. Until this moment I forgot that was his story. I can't imagine him anywhere other than in love with his beautiful wife and sitting across from me in church. That's just who he is.
I pray that when people look at me they see the Jennie God made and not the Jennie the world made. I hope they see a little light shining in a girl who loves deeply, who believes in commitment...and forgiveness... and grace. 
In our house, we call that "putting on our Godgles". God goggles = the way that God sees the situation instead of the way our human nature sees it.

Please do not be confused- I AM A SINNER. Rotten, dirty, nasty and undeserving. If Jesus was here right now, he'd hang with me. Yep- Jennie and the prostitutes and the tax collectors- we are all pretty much in the same group.  I am also one of the most empathetic, soft hearted, forgiving sinners you'll ever meet. I have walked a crooked path to get to my God- through fire, 2 steps forward, 3 steps back, sometimes needing to be carried, sometimes kicking and screaming...but I got here.       He found me.    
And I never turned away.
Since the day I heard God speak into my heart, that has been my song. I have never doubted, never questioned, never wondered. I have watched those I deeply love struggle with belief and I have never been that girl. I am so thankful. A straighter path may have been too easy for me. He knows I like a challenge. Knows I need to"earn" it or it won't feel real. He knows I'm a Jew stuck in a Gentile's body. :)
And so... I told my story. To someone who doesn't know me....or my family....or my friends.   Nobody to vouch for me,       just      me.
Turns out... this friend is broken too.
Knows how hard it is to have that conversation. Knows that everyone at some point to enter into true community..... has to have that conversation. Everyone has ugly. God turns it all into beauty. If he turned it a long time ago, we may have forgotten that we ever had ugly at all.
That's when God gives us the choice. "Are you going to love them or not? Are you going to remember what I told you? The most important thing that I asked you to do? Are you going to remember what I did for you? Are you going to be for me or against me?"
Oh, it's great when our pastors preach it. We like to tell it to our children. I wave the Christian flag as high as I can. But what does that MEAN? Follower of Christ.
Christ-like. It means we either live a life of love or we are hypocrites. No gray area.

Today, a stranger chose to love me. Spoke with kindness and empathy. And that made my heart sing. And it made me forget that I was ever ashamed. And it reminded me of the power of our words. And it made me want to love harder and be more forgiving to the strangers in my own life. To turn them into          friends.

And I will remember the example that was set by Jesus and the little miracle that happens every time a believer                   believes.

I believe that God makes us new creatures. I believe that He sees us as Holy and Blameless.   US.    Not just you.   I believe that He knows every hair on my head and mapped out every step of my path.

I believe He loves us equally. In the same way that we love our children equally.

And we are NEVER ashamed of them.  Regardless of their path.  And we are so proud of them..... especially when they choose to love.